ON CHANGE & (PERSONAL) GROWTH

These photographs were taken on my first film camera, Donna Noble (Canon AE -1). Right when I started getting into film photography. So, here's why I take pictures. What I'm currently feeling can't be generated by anything, at least, nothing like the photos I take & stuff I watercolor. They're not perfect, but they represent much more than that particular moment. I can remember exactly what I felt that time, what assignments & labs I had to do, my father being home, my brother slightly shorter (sans facial hair). I remember not understanding how manual cameras worked, taking notes then completely bailing on taking notes and just shooting for the heck of it and hoping they turn out decent.

When people in my life tell me that I've changed, I can't help but thing "GOOD!!", even when I know it's code for 'Why are you doing the things you do, and saying the things you say. We're drifting apart, we don't have anything in common anymore. g2g'. 

2015 was rough, unexpected, most of the time, awfully surreal. I was stuck in an academic limbo because I couldn't find an internship (I'm so used to rejections at this point) and my parents were in the process of separating (forreal real this time). Shit wasn't ok, so I focused on other things. I took up new hobbies, learning new skills, created more, focused on bettering the e-mag I started, I made a personal website, and made sure I took care of myself.

2015 ended, and my father went back to Yemen, I signed my university's clearance (basically found an internship and aced it), my e-mag has a team and we're publishing soon, I lost friends and made new ones. 

I see these pictures and I FEEL how much I've grown as an individual and I don't think there are many things in my life that can make me feel so much all at once. I'm ok with people leaving, I'm ok with leaving (if I start feeling that it's not for me), I'm ok with doing things that terrify me (and that includes meeting new people), I'm ok with speaking openly about things I care about, I'm ok with calling out bullshit. I'm ok with my solitude, I'm ok with having to take care of myself by myself.

So yeah, yay for cameras, growth & 2015 for being insane. I'm so happy to be alive, right now, to feel the way I do.

Shout out to humans I've met in 2015, humans who stuck around for all this time, and ghosts. Thank you. Truly.