A YEAR OF CHIMCHE NIGHTS

In the beginning of 2016, I made a hasty decision of attending an event I knew nothing about. Diplomantiq's CHIMICHE NIGHT has been a huge part of my emotional growth in 2016. Our last chimche night of the year was outdoors, and we reflected on the progress and the decisions we made through out the year. I realized that fear can indeed be a valid (yet odd) way to motivate myself. 

very """candid""" photographs of the last chimche night of 2016

I got to know incredibly talented and smart people through this monthly get-together, and hope this circle grows next year.

After the session, we had an impromptu Diplomantiq podcast recording, where Amna and I talked about Jaffat El Aqlam outdoors before heading home.

Thank you for being an incredible human being, Mustafa. Looking forward to Diplomantiq2K17.

WILD20S - a series of tweets that are not wild

I'm in peace with the fact that I'm physically and emotionally incapable of being as wild as I'd like to be, so I started tweeting in the hashtag #wild20s the past couple of years all the non-wild things I've been doing. Here are my favorites.

i just advance searched your @’s to me to make a zine.

i just flinched because i made my hand squish *me* via shadow made from my phone's light.

i'm having skittles for breakfast.

if you want to hangout, meet me at the wathba prison.

earl grey tea & emotional auditions in shows i'll never understand.

my too awake VNs are as awful as my half asleep ones.

i secretly want the fly & the mosquito in my room to smooch whilst tracking out mcdonalds delivery.

honey butter biscuits, chai & major life choices.

that odd state of being hungry, sleepy, sad, & angry all mushed together. i'll just drink water & hope it fades.

can’t wait to tell my doctor that i had cold instant ramen at 12:12 am whilst watching the office in my neon pink wig.

lil joys: cheese on toast and chai.

seriously just want to go home, have sushi while playing uncharted.

first thing i look up to when i wake up is sleeping again.

so in SOMA i had to help a woman die so i can get power to move my shuttle and i started crying.

i watched the office's garage sale episode and i'm not ok but i'm also ok a lot

no offense but with every fucking rejection, i'm learning something completely new. next rejection, adobe illustrator.

productive for one day of the month & sleeping for the rest.

sometimes a good day is all about finding the shade of lipstick you’ve been imagining for quite some time.

earl grey and frustration. miley, whats good.

took some sleeping pills & rewatching the office.

drove a friend to the mall to get an xbox game & i'm wearing a jalabiya, praying scarf, zero make up & almost zero petrol.

i just bought lipstick instead of cleaning my desk.

adding more heaviness to my heart by reading pessoa because what's the point anymore. this is our reality.

a doctor saw a form i filled out and said nice handwriting.

i'm supposed to be working but my desk is a mess i can't deal with so i'll nap instead.

feeling: waking up to zaatar manaqeesh and coffee.

drinking redbull and watching people see color for the first time.

i’ve also been watching people make ramen for the past 3 hours.

I know I would never kill myself but I'm just so ready to not be alive anymore, yaknow.

GIF IDEAS

me shrinking when my mother/friends introduce me as an artist to new humans.

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mama's face when she tells people i'm smarter than i look, then me doing a jim-face thing to the camera.

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baba's face when he tells people i write poetry and me shaking my head and mumbling, "they're just tweets".

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my lil tall whale brother next to me in public, then the camera zooms in to my face crying because he used to be so cute and tiny. now he has facial hair.

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my lil sister's face when i put the modem's wire around my wrist and say, "wire couture" in my "sexy voice".

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jadu's (grandpa) face when he tries to remember.
sequel: jadu's face when he gives up truing to remember.
finale: jadu's face when he sees puppies

ON CHANGE & (PERSONAL) GROWTH

These photographs were taken on my first film camera, Donna Noble (Canon AE -1). Right when I started getting into film photography. So, here's why I take pictures. What I'm currently feeling can't be generated by anything, at least, nothing like the photos I take & stuff I watercolor. They're not perfect, but they represent much more than that particular moment. I can remember exactly what I felt that time, what assignments & labs I had to do, my father being home, my brother slightly shorter (sans facial hair). I remember not understanding how manual cameras worked, taking notes then completely bailing on taking notes and just shooting for the heck of it and hoping they turn out decent.

When people in my life tell me that I've changed, I can't help but thing "GOOD!!", even when I know it's code for 'Why are you doing the things you do, and saying the things you say. We're drifting apart, we don't have anything in common anymore. g2g'. 

2015 was rough, unexpected, most of the time, awfully surreal. I was stuck in an academic limbo because I couldn't find an internship (I'm so used to rejections at this point) and my parents were in the process of separating (forreal real this time). Shit wasn't ok, so I focused on other things. I took up new hobbies, learning new skills, created more, focused on bettering the e-mag I started, I made a personal website, and made sure I took care of myself.

2015 ended, and my father went back to Yemen, I signed my university's clearance (basically found an internship and aced it), my e-mag has a team and we're publishing soon, I lost friends and made new ones. 

I see these pictures and I FEEL how much I've grown as an individual and I don't think there are many things in my life that can make me feel so much all at once. I'm ok with people leaving, I'm ok with leaving (if I start feeling that it's not for me), I'm ok with doing things that terrify me (and that includes meeting new people), I'm ok with speaking openly about things I care about, I'm ok with calling out bullshit. I'm ok with my solitude, I'm ok with having to take care of myself by myself.

So yeah, yay for cameras, growth & 2015 for being insane. I'm so happy to be alive, right now, to feel the way I do.

Shout out to humans I've met in 2015, humans who stuck around for all this time, and ghosts. Thank you. Truly. 

THERE IS A LIGHT

I've been a citizen of the internet for a really long time, and by citizen, I mean a disgustingly avid user who wants to learn, and see everything the world wiLD web has to offer. Last year, this changed. I changed. I started going out more, I took up other hobbies, I started creating more, journaling, exploring, & documenting. I don't think I'm as shy as I used to be, but definitely a huge improvement from tearing up in public because a woman said my eyeliner looked good. I say this because, semi-getting over my shyness, was the reason I met & got to know beautiful people, who also like to create, experience and explore. Choosing to constantly surround myself with beauty, wonder, knowledge & incredible humans has been the best thing that happened in 2015. 

visual representation of 2k15 - 35mm

Thank you 5 senses, thank you ears' & sound waves for all those collabs, thank you watercolors for making me hold brushes again, thank you japan for your midoris, thank you poetry events for good days that got me through the month , thank you strangers for your smiles & conversations, thank you family for just being, thank you friends (old, new, online & IRL), thank you lovers for your unconditional love & support, thank you cloudy days for the best natural lighting for selfies and thank you torrents for doing what you do & being the reason I'm not completely broke. 

Here's to a new year filled with wonder, kindness, beauty, good company, adventures & knowledge. 

EARS' & SOUND WAVES COLLABS